A note for the reader of this post:
Dear reader, be warned that this diary of Pushkin doesn't resemble the least sense of vulgarity in his books, but instead overflows with it. If you were to read his diary, you would understand. I tried not to include many quote with "naughty" terms in them, but sometimes it couldn't be helped. Anyways, I think it's fair to mention because such words are a sort of taboo in today's society. Well, onward.
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"I look at my hand as it writes these lines and try to visualize it dead, as a piece of my skeleton, buried in the ground. Although this fate is undeniable, I am unable to imagine it. The trustworthiness of death is the only indisputable truth, and despite that it is the most difficult to comprehend, whereas we can easily and thoughtlessly accept and believe many different lies."
"Her mother is a real bitch, mad at everybody because no one besides the stablemen at Polotnyani Zavod wanted to screw her. She would not have minded laying under me, I think, but of course I did not care."
This was my first shock... and more are to follow. I think it depicts a slight immaturity on Pushkin's part...
"She oppressed her daughters in many ways and kept them as if they were in a convent. I watched N.’s sisters and thought of turning that convent into my harem."
"Our honeymoon flew by in sweet education: I was learning the tongue her body speaks and N. learned to respond not only to my tongue. My persistence and her diligence brought her more and more often to rapturous screams, which sounded like music to me."
I wanted to quote this one to show how he's still witty when he's describing something that is extremely immodest (especially during that time). He writes this extremely well, and such witticism is to flow through the entire journal. You see, he is Pushkin through and through, no matter what he's writing about.
"The difference between a wife and a lover is that with a wife you go to bed without lust. This is why marriage is sacred, because lust is gradually excluded from it and the relationship becomes just friendly, even indifferent or often hostile. It is then that the naked body is not considered a sin, because it no longer tempts."
"Death is the most reliable way to stay faithful to your sweetheart."
"I understand the reason for Romeo and Juliet's suicide. They acted intuitively, without understanding, but with the same purpose - to stay faithful to their lovers even after death, which is impossible for any young, beautiful living body."
"I told myself over and over again that a poet cannot live without quivering and is not intended for the world of marriage." "And a wife's name should be inviolate."
How extremely ironic. He doesn't have a problem with cheating on her, but once another man uses N.'s name vulgarly, he cannot stand it. This shows how much he loved his wife, and viewing her as an ideal figure.
"The human being is a creation of God, and human society is the creation of the Devil." "The nuptial bed is the cradle of passion, which turns into its grave." "My library is my harem."
"In India, they kill the wife and bury her with her dead husband. It is easy to imagine how a wife nurses her sick husband and cherishes him. Fear of her own death is an excellent incetive to love and devotion.
He's actually serious. I love his cleverness in this, even though it is extremely crude.
"The stronger the desire a man has, the less capable he is of distinguishing the word "woman" from the word "cunt." The only thing that opens his eyes to the existence in a woman of something besides cunt is satisfied desire. That is why the smart woman first of all gives herself to a man - to free his imagination from her cunt so that, sated with cunt, he becomes capable of appreciating her mind, talent, kindness and all the fineness she possesses."
"I long ago looked for the pistols at Kurakin's, and I drop in there from time to time to glance at my death. I look into the blackness of the muzzle where my fate hides and asks, 'When?' The pistols lying in the case reminds me of two sixes mutliplied. The number mimics my 36 years in 1836 and 6 from N. who is 24 (2+4). It is the Devil's figure, and I am scared of it." "I do not doubt the purpose of my life when the Muse or Venus visits me. But their visits are short, and once they leave me, my emotional sufferings envelop me and I cannot find the answer to an even simpler question: how to live. My life becomes too complex and all the threads of my deeds tie in knots and I cannot untangle them. But I cannot live with them, so I must cut them."
The poet.
"I cannot be faithful to my wife, but I value most of all faithfulness in others men's wives and demand it inflexibly from my own. I even drew her an example in Tatyana."
This forever changed my perception of Eugene Onegin. Now I will forever think about Pushkin's personal life when I read his works.
" I watch her trembling when she sees d'Antes, and I admire the strength of her character in choosing duty and rejecting passion. But with his impetuosity, she will not be able to hold back forever, so I must help her. How bitter it is fro me to write about it." "I am drawn to jump into the abyss not by a desire to die but by the total oblivion of it."
In some ways, throughout his life, he was searching for this oblivion.
"When a body falls into a real abyss, it is pulverized, but the soul revives. Does it? Because of this doubt, I fear death, or else I would jump over and over. "When you plunge into the abyss, you live counted moments, during which nothing can affect your submission to God. You fly within his power, completely free of their laws. These are moments when you are face to face with God. You are alive and nothing can stop the approaching Truth."
This process he compares to sex, even though he says he's afraid of death. So I guess he is afraid of the ultimate Truth. But, what is the Truth?? Is it death?
"I see myself dying, looking at books, trees, miserable that I will never see all that again."
His tragic end, and yet a great exit:
"Pushkin was fatally wounded in the stomach by Dantes, who shot first. Pushkin gathered his last strength and shot at Dantes. The bullet ricocheted off a metal button on Dantes' uniform, which saved his life. Rumor said that the Tsar sent his men to stop the duel but that they were sent to the wrong place on purpose. After Pushkin's death, Dantes was demoted to the rank of private and expelled from Russia. He left for France with his wife, where they lived the rest of their lives. Pushkin's widow was mourning for Pushkin for two years and remarried in 1844".
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First off, I think it is my duty to mention that this was the most vulgar book I've ever read. And yes I do realize that I only need to pick up any young adult novel to get a taste of vulgarity- but still, this isn't any average author, this is the great master: Pushkin himself. And it is incredibly ironic, because I don't think the rest of the world truly knows what he was like. For instance, my Grandma (she was forced to read all Russian literature due to the communists) praised Pushkin for his Christian principles, and his love for his wife. But in his defense, it isn't just vulgarity... because under that vulgarity lies a deep meaning, his attempt to search for Truth. The man was truly messed up- to put it into modern terms. He was struggling with an unsatisfiable passion and yet trying to preserve his love for his wife. Because, yes, he did love her in his own way. And actually, I think he slept around so much, because of her. Because she was so perfect.
I will modeslty try to breach upon a very "sketchy" (what the kids of today apparently use) subject: mainly his obsession with the female sex organ. He uses a horribly attrocious term, but maybe it seems so because of this this wonderful conservative American society preserving our naive little ears from such a raw term. Personally, I cannot bring myself to use it. Anyways, I find it extremely interesting that he mentally separates the vagina from the female body: he doesn't view it as being part of the whole, the woman. He constantly capitalizes the word, emphasizing this point. He says he worships it. You see, he doesn't worship the woman itself, but only the organ that gives him pleasure. The woman might as well not have been attached to it, as he put it. When in reality, the organ is part OF the woman. Pushkin sees this the other way around. I think this affects his view upon women, since he just sees them as "possessors" of the vagina, so this makes it easier for him to move from one to the other. He's dehumanizing women, by making their sex organ their identity.
Even after reading this, I still maintain that Pushkin is an extremely complex writer. Even in this diary he cleverly describes everything, and his wit can be clearly seen. It makes it entertaining. Throughout his "escapades" Pushkin is still trying to cope with marriage and his pure love for his wife, and the fact that she doesn't love him. Maybe that is why he was trying to protect her faithfulness, because in his eyes, she was still an ideal, still the love of his life.
This wasn't published because of the censorship in Russia. It makes me think whether all the Russian authors thought like this, (not exactly like Pushkin) but indulge in this vulgarity. Because their works are absolutely stupendous and very very modest. I think that is why I was so shocked when I read his diary, because I was expecting something along the lines of Eugene Onegin, something pure and innocent. But at heart, I think he really was, even at his most grotesque points in his life. He has this marvelous childish heart that can be clearly seen in anything he writes.
I will end, and agreeing with, Mikhail Armalinsky (the one who published this journal) remark about this "explosive" journal:
"Pushkin's literary reputation is so strong that his personal reputation could not shake it, but on the contrary promises us a remarkable study of human nature, which, because of its immutability, makes us all one with the past as well as the future."
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Published by M.I.P Company (http://www.mipco.com/english/push.html)
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