Marriage by Nikolai Gogol

"

Zhevakin: sir. Retired naval lieutenant. And allow me to ask,
With whom do I have the pleasure of conversing?

Omelet: Omelet, managing clerk.

Zhevakin: Not catching the last words. Yes, I also had a bite. Knew I had a good trip ahead of me, and it's a bit cool out. Ate a harring and a slice of bread.

Omelet: No, it seems you didn't understand me correctly. That's my name- Omelet.


Zhevakin; bowing: I beg your pardon. I'm a bit hard of hearing. I thought you said you'd eaten an omelet.

Omelet: What can i do? I considered asking teh general to let me change my name to Omeletson, but my relatives talked me out of it. Names that end in son make them think of son-of-a-bitch.


Zhevakin: Yes, it's like that sometimes. Our entire third squadron, all the officers and men- they all had peculiar names- Slopsov, Tipsykov, Lieutenant Spoilov. One midshipman, and a very good midshipman too, his name was simply Hole. "Hey you, Hole" The Captain would shout, "Come on over here!" And we always be kidding him- "Hey, you, you're such a little hole!" "
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I think this is Gogol's funniest piece. I was reading this in a quiet class, and had to keep myself from laughing... it's the funniest piece I've ever read in my life!