This book came to me through a friend. We are planning on working on an art journal together. Luckily, she was the one who started the project, because it probably would've taken forever. Anyway, I started working on this project treating the book as a THING to be cut into. I didn't realize that this book is exactly what I needed. So the title already sounded pretty good, and then, when I started reading the headlines- I was amazed at how RELEVANT this was in my life. After finishing the book, I realized that it's ALWAYS relevant, because the process of self-development is constantly happening. Or it should, at least. I ended up reading the whole book, and now, next time it will be my turn to add to the pages, I will be thankful for the good it has done in my life. Or starting to, at least.
"The solution here is to catch yourself when you fall into your habit of insisting that things should be other than they are. Gently remind yourself that life is okay the way it is, right now. In the absence of your judgement, everything would be fine. As you begin to eliminate your need for perfection in all areas of your life, you'll begin to discover the perfection in life itself."
"Fearful, frantic thinking takes an enormous amount of energy and drains the creativity and motivation from our lives. When you are fearful or frantic, you literally immobilize yourself from your greatest potential, not to mention enjoyment. Any success that you do have is DESPITE your fear, not because of it."
"A powerful technique for becoming more peaceful is to be aware of how quickly your negative and insecure thinking can spiral out of control."
"Very little in our world lives truly falls into the "emergency" category."
"Remember, when you die, there will still be unfinished business to take care of. And you know what? Someone else will do it for you! Don't waste any more precious moments of your life regretting the inevitable."
"Rather than diluting the positive feelings by telling others about your own kindness, by keeping it to yourself you get to retain all the positive feelings."
*********************************************************************************
"Now is the only time we have, and the only time we have any control over."
*********************************************************************************
"Do I want to be 'right'- or do I want to be happy?"
"I have found that, if you look deeply enough, you can almost always see the innocence in other people as well as in potentially frustrating situations. When you do, you will become a more patient and peaceful person, and, in some strange way, you begin to enjoy many of the moments that used to frustrate you."
"Being patient allows me to keep my perspective. I can remember, eve in the midst of a difficult situation, that what's before me- my present challenge- isn't "life or death' but simply a minor obstacle that must be dealt with."
"Life isn't fair. It's a bummer, but it's absolutely true. Ironically, recognizing this sobering fact can be a very liberating insight."
"[...] if you allow yourself to be bored, even for an hour-or less-and don't fight it, the feelings of boredom will be replaced with feelings of peace. And after a little practice, you'll learn to relax."
"When you allow yourself to be bored, it takes an enormous amount of pressure off you to be performing and doing something every second of every day."
"What you want to start doing is noticing your stress early, before it gets out of hand. When you feel your mind moving too quickly, it's time to back off and regain your bearings. [...] When it's small, it's manageable and easy to control. Once it gathers momentum, however, it's difficult, if not impossible, to stop."
"When your mind is clear and peaceful and your stress level is reduced, you'll be more effective and you'll have more fun. As you lower your tolerance to stress, you will find that you'll have far less stress to handle, as well as creative ideas for handling the stress that is left over."
*********************************************************************************
"We take simple preferences and turn them into conditions for our own happiness."
*********************************************************************************
EGO.
"Whether you are struggling to solve a problem or can't remember a person's name, your back burner is always available to help you. It puts our quieter, softer, and sometimes most intelligent source of thinking to work for us on issues that we have no immediate answer for. The back burner is not a prescription for denial or procrastination. In other words, while you do want to put your problems on your back burner, you don't want to turn the burner off. Instead, you want to gently hold the problem in your mind without actively analyzing it."
"I try to remember to start my day thinking of someone to thank."
"[...] if you think of strangers as being a little bit more like you and treat them not only with kindness and respect but with smiles and eye contact as well, you'll probably notice some pretty nice changes in yourself [...] When you see how similar we all are, you begin to see the innocence in all of us."
"Seeking first to understand isn't about who's right or wrong; it is a philosophy of EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION."
That is why he has a PhD.
*********************************************************************************
"In some ways, the way we fail to listen is symbolic of the WAY WE LIVE."
*********************************************************************************
"If you don't want to 'sweat the small stuff,' it's critical that you choose your battles wisely. If you do, there will come a day when you'll rarely feel the need to do battle at all."
***********************************************************************************
"A low mood is NOT the time to analyze your life. To do so is EMOTIONAL SUICIDE."
***********************************************************************************
"The trick is to be grateful for our good moods and graceful in our low moods- not taking them seriously. The next time you feel low, for whatever reason, remind yourself, 'This too shall pass.' It will."
"Whether you're bombarded with problems, responsibilities, even insurmountable hurdles, when looked at as a test, you always have a chance to succeed, in the sense of rising above that which is challenging you."
"It has become far more acceptable to me to accept things as they are."
"Looking beyond behavior is easier than you might think. Try it today, and you'll see some nice results."
"[...] when your goal is to build people up, to make them feel better, to share in their joy, you too reap the rewards of their positive feelings."
"So, rather than appreciating our relationships and our lives, weatherproofing encourages us to end up thinking that life isn't all it's cracked up to be. Nothing is ever good enough the way it is."
"The point is, you've begun what inevitably turns into a WAY OF LIFE- looking FOR and thinking about what you DON'T like about someone, or something that isn't quite right."
"One of the cardinal rules of joyful living is that judging others takes a great deal of energy, and without exception, pulls you away from where you want to be."
"It's not a matter of merely tolerating differences but of truly understanding and honoring the fact that it literally can't be any other way."
"When we expect to see things differently, when we take it as a given that others will do things differently and react differently to the same stimuli, the passion we have for ourselves and for others rises dramatically."
"When we judge and criticize another person, it says NOTHING about that person; it merely says something about our own need to be critical.[...] It's something we get used to doing; we're familiar with how it feels. It keeps us busy and gives us something to talk about."
*********************************************************************************
"(Write down your five most stubborn positions and see if you can soften them) The point here isn't the specific of what you are stubborn about but rather the fact that you hold on so TIGHTLY to ANY given idea you might have."
**********************************************************************************
This concept is life-changing.
"In fact, negative reactions to criticism never makes the criticism go away. In fact, negative reactions to criticism often convince the person doing the criticizing that they are accurate in their assessment of you."
"Try to maintain the perspective that, in time, everything disintegrates and returns to its initial form."
"Often the difference between a person who is happy and someone who is unhappy isn't how often they get low, even HOW LOW they drop, but instead, it's what they DO with their low moods. How do they relate to their changing feelings?"
***********************************************************************************
"The next time you're feeling bad, rather than fight it, try to relax. See if, instead of panicking, you can be graceful and calm. Know that if you don't fight your negative feelings, if you are graceful, they will pass away just as surely as the sun sets in the evening."
***********************************************************************************
"Being more relaxed involves training yourself to respond differently to the dramas of life- turning your melodrama into a mellow-drama. It comes, in part, from reminding yourself over and over again (with loving kindness and patience) that you have a choice in how you respond to life."
***********************************************************************************
"We forget that life isn't as bad as we're making it out to be. We also forget that when we're blowing things out of proportion, we are the ones doing the blowing."
***********************************************************************************
"A closed mind is always fighting to keep everything else at arm's length."
"You'll notice that by being in the eye of the storm, you will be more present-moment oriented. You'll enjoy yourself more than ever before."
"The mind-set that says, 'I'll be happy when this desire is fulfilled' is the same mind-set that will repeat itself once that desire is met."
"If you focus on ways to enjoy yourself around home rather than waiting to enjoy yourself in Hawaii, you'll end up having more fun. If you ever do get to Hawaii, you'll be in the habit of enjoying yourself. And, if by some chance you don't, you'll have a great life anyway."
"Make a note to yourself to start thinking more about what you have than what you want. If you do, your life will start appearing much better than before. For perhaps the first time in your life, you'll know what it means to be satisfied."
"An argument that happened while you were walking out the door on your way to work is no longer an actual argument, it's a thought in your mind. This dynamic also applies to future-oriented thoughts of this evening, next week, or ten years down the road. You'll find, in all cases, that if you ignore or dismiss a negative thought that fills your mind, a more peaceful feeling is ONLY A MOMENT AWAY. And, in a more peaceful state of mind, your wisdom and common sense will tell you what to do."
*********************************************************************************
"Whatever problems you are dealing with, chances are they could be thought of in a softer way that includes a genuine desire to learn from them. When you hold your problems in this light, they soften like a clenched fist that is opening."
**********************************************************************************
"MAYBE SO, MAYBE NOT."
"When negative characteristics arise you can begin to recognize them as part of a bigger picture. Rather than judging and evaluating yourself simply because you're human, see if you can treat yourself with loving-kindness and great acceptance. You may indeed be "the whole catastrophe," but you can relax about it. So are the rest of us."
**********************************************************************************
"Circumstances don't make a person, they REVEAL HIM OR HER."
**********************************************************************************
"The root of being uptight is our unwillingness to accept life as being different, in any way, from our expectations."
"When someone throws an idea or comment in your direction, you can catch it and feel hurt, or you can drop it and go with your day."
"All we know is that, eventually, everything disappears into nothingness. Welcoming this truth into your life is the beginning of a liberating adventure."
Funny this sounds a lot like Existentialism!
"When something is happening that we enjoy, know that while it's wonderful to experience the happiness it brings, it will eventually be replaced by something else, a different type of moment." If that's okay with you, you'll feel peace even when the moment changes."
"Unlike breathing, however, forgetting that you are thinking can cause some serious problems in your life, such as unhappiness, anger, inner conflicts, and stress. The reason this is true is that your thinking will always come back to you as a feeling; there is a point-to-point relationship."
"I have a choice of what is most important in my life and where I put my greatest amount of energy- being available for my wife and children, writing, practicing my inner work, and so forth."
**********************************************************************************
"Many of us don't listen to our intuitive heart for fear that we couldn't possibly know something WITHOUT THINKING IT THROUGH, or for fear that legitimate answers could possibly be so OBVIOUS."
*********************************************************************************
"If you can overcome your fear that your intuitive heart will give you incorrect answers, if you can learn to trust it, your life will become the magical adventure it was meant to be."
**********************************************************************************
"The greater our surrender to the truth of the moment, the greater will be our peace of mind."
**********************************************************************************
"If you look for the extraordinary in the ordinary, you can train yourself to see it."
**********************************************************************************
"If you wait until all your chores, responsibilities, and everything else is done before you get started, it will never happen. Guaranteed."
**********************************************************************************
We come up with elaborate and sophisticated rationales to justify our actions, and end up spending most of our time and energy doing things that aren't all that important. We argue for our limitations, and they BECOME our limitations."
**********************************************************************************
"The solution here is to catch yourself when you fall into your habit of insisting that things should be other than they are. Gently remind yourself that life is okay the way it is, right now. In the absence of your judgement, everything would be fine. As you begin to eliminate your need for perfection in all areas of your life, you'll begin to discover the perfection in life itself."
"Fearful, frantic thinking takes an enormous amount of energy and drains the creativity and motivation from our lives. When you are fearful or frantic, you literally immobilize yourself from your greatest potential, not to mention enjoyment. Any success that you do have is DESPITE your fear, not because of it."
"A powerful technique for becoming more peaceful is to be aware of how quickly your negative and insecure thinking can spiral out of control."
"Very little in our world lives truly falls into the "emergency" category."
"Remember, when you die, there will still be unfinished business to take care of. And you know what? Someone else will do it for you! Don't waste any more precious moments of your life regretting the inevitable."
"Rather than diluting the positive feelings by telling others about your own kindness, by keeping it to yourself you get to retain all the positive feelings."
*********************************************************************************
"Now is the only time we have, and the only time we have any control over."
*********************************************************************************
"Do I want to be 'right'- or do I want to be happy?"
"I have found that, if you look deeply enough, you can almost always see the innocence in other people as well as in potentially frustrating situations. When you do, you will become a more patient and peaceful person, and, in some strange way, you begin to enjoy many of the moments that used to frustrate you."
"Being patient allows me to keep my perspective. I can remember, eve in the midst of a difficult situation, that what's before me- my present challenge- isn't "life or death' but simply a minor obstacle that must be dealt with."
"Life isn't fair. It's a bummer, but it's absolutely true. Ironically, recognizing this sobering fact can be a very liberating insight."
"[...] if you allow yourself to be bored, even for an hour-or less-and don't fight it, the feelings of boredom will be replaced with feelings of peace. And after a little practice, you'll learn to relax."
"When you allow yourself to be bored, it takes an enormous amount of pressure off you to be performing and doing something every second of every day."
"What you want to start doing is noticing your stress early, before it gets out of hand. When you feel your mind moving too quickly, it's time to back off and regain your bearings. [...] When it's small, it's manageable and easy to control. Once it gathers momentum, however, it's difficult, if not impossible, to stop."
"When your mind is clear and peaceful and your stress level is reduced, you'll be more effective and you'll have more fun. As you lower your tolerance to stress, you will find that you'll have far less stress to handle, as well as creative ideas for handling the stress that is left over."
*********************************************************************************
"We take simple preferences and turn them into conditions for our own happiness."
*********************************************************************************
EGO.
"Whether you are struggling to solve a problem or can't remember a person's name, your back burner is always available to help you. It puts our quieter, softer, and sometimes most intelligent source of thinking to work for us on issues that we have no immediate answer for. The back burner is not a prescription for denial or procrastination. In other words, while you do want to put your problems on your back burner, you don't want to turn the burner off. Instead, you want to gently hold the problem in your mind without actively analyzing it."
"I try to remember to start my day thinking of someone to thank."
"[...] if you think of strangers as being a little bit more like you and treat them not only with kindness and respect but with smiles and eye contact as well, you'll probably notice some pretty nice changes in yourself [...] When you see how similar we all are, you begin to see the innocence in all of us."
"Seeking first to understand isn't about who's right or wrong; it is a philosophy of EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION."
That is why he has a PhD.
*********************************************************************************
"In some ways, the way we fail to listen is symbolic of the WAY WE LIVE."
*********************************************************************************
"If you don't want to 'sweat the small stuff,' it's critical that you choose your battles wisely. If you do, there will come a day when you'll rarely feel the need to do battle at all."
***********************************************************************************
"A low mood is NOT the time to analyze your life. To do so is EMOTIONAL SUICIDE."
***********************************************************************************
"The trick is to be grateful for our good moods and graceful in our low moods- not taking them seriously. The next time you feel low, for whatever reason, remind yourself, 'This too shall pass.' It will."
"Whether you're bombarded with problems, responsibilities, even insurmountable hurdles, when looked at as a test, you always have a chance to succeed, in the sense of rising above that which is challenging you."
"It has become far more acceptable to me to accept things as they are."
"Looking beyond behavior is easier than you might think. Try it today, and you'll see some nice results."
"[...] when your goal is to build people up, to make them feel better, to share in their joy, you too reap the rewards of their positive feelings."
"So, rather than appreciating our relationships and our lives, weatherproofing encourages us to end up thinking that life isn't all it's cracked up to be. Nothing is ever good enough the way it is."
"The point is, you've begun what inevitably turns into a WAY OF LIFE- looking FOR and thinking about what you DON'T like about someone, or something that isn't quite right."
"One of the cardinal rules of joyful living is that judging others takes a great deal of energy, and without exception, pulls you away from where you want to be."
"It's not a matter of merely tolerating differences but of truly understanding and honoring the fact that it literally can't be any other way."
"When we expect to see things differently, when we take it as a given that others will do things differently and react differently to the same stimuli, the passion we have for ourselves and for others rises dramatically."
"When we judge and criticize another person, it says NOTHING about that person; it merely says something about our own need to be critical.[...] It's something we get used to doing; we're familiar with how it feels. It keeps us busy and gives us something to talk about."
*********************************************************************************
"(Write down your five most stubborn positions and see if you can soften them) The point here isn't the specific of what you are stubborn about but rather the fact that you hold on so TIGHTLY to ANY given idea you might have."
**********************************************************************************
This concept is life-changing.
"In fact, negative reactions to criticism never makes the criticism go away. In fact, negative reactions to criticism often convince the person doing the criticizing that they are accurate in their assessment of you."
"Try to maintain the perspective that, in time, everything disintegrates and returns to its initial form."
"Often the difference between a person who is happy and someone who is unhappy isn't how often they get low, even HOW LOW they drop, but instead, it's what they DO with their low moods. How do they relate to their changing feelings?"
***********************************************************************************
"The next time you're feeling bad, rather than fight it, try to relax. See if, instead of panicking, you can be graceful and calm. Know that if you don't fight your negative feelings, if you are graceful, they will pass away just as surely as the sun sets in the evening."
***********************************************************************************
"Being more relaxed involves training yourself to respond differently to the dramas of life- turning your melodrama into a mellow-drama. It comes, in part, from reminding yourself over and over again (with loving kindness and patience) that you have a choice in how you respond to life."
***********************************************************************************
"We forget that life isn't as bad as we're making it out to be. We also forget that when we're blowing things out of proportion, we are the ones doing the blowing."
***********************************************************************************
"A closed mind is always fighting to keep everything else at arm's length."
"You'll notice that by being in the eye of the storm, you will be more present-moment oriented. You'll enjoy yourself more than ever before."
"The mind-set that says, 'I'll be happy when this desire is fulfilled' is the same mind-set that will repeat itself once that desire is met."
"If you focus on ways to enjoy yourself around home rather than waiting to enjoy yourself in Hawaii, you'll end up having more fun. If you ever do get to Hawaii, you'll be in the habit of enjoying yourself. And, if by some chance you don't, you'll have a great life anyway."
"Make a note to yourself to start thinking more about what you have than what you want. If you do, your life will start appearing much better than before. For perhaps the first time in your life, you'll know what it means to be satisfied."
"An argument that happened while you were walking out the door on your way to work is no longer an actual argument, it's a thought in your mind. This dynamic also applies to future-oriented thoughts of this evening, next week, or ten years down the road. You'll find, in all cases, that if you ignore or dismiss a negative thought that fills your mind, a more peaceful feeling is ONLY A MOMENT AWAY. And, in a more peaceful state of mind, your wisdom and common sense will tell you what to do."
*********************************************************************************
"Whatever problems you are dealing with, chances are they could be thought of in a softer way that includes a genuine desire to learn from them. When you hold your problems in this light, they soften like a clenched fist that is opening."
**********************************************************************************
"MAYBE SO, MAYBE NOT."
"When negative characteristics arise you can begin to recognize them as part of a bigger picture. Rather than judging and evaluating yourself simply because you're human, see if you can treat yourself with loving-kindness and great acceptance. You may indeed be "the whole catastrophe," but you can relax about it. So are the rest of us."
**********************************************************************************
"Circumstances don't make a person, they REVEAL HIM OR HER."
**********************************************************************************
"The root of being uptight is our unwillingness to accept life as being different, in any way, from our expectations."
"When someone throws an idea or comment in your direction, you can catch it and feel hurt, or you can drop it and go with your day."
"All we know is that, eventually, everything disappears into nothingness. Welcoming this truth into your life is the beginning of a liberating adventure."
Funny this sounds a lot like Existentialism!
"When something is happening that we enjoy, know that while it's wonderful to experience the happiness it brings, it will eventually be replaced by something else, a different type of moment." If that's okay with you, you'll feel peace even when the moment changes."
"Unlike breathing, however, forgetting that you are thinking can cause some serious problems in your life, such as unhappiness, anger, inner conflicts, and stress. The reason this is true is that your thinking will always come back to you as a feeling; there is a point-to-point relationship."
"I have a choice of what is most important in my life and where I put my greatest amount of energy- being available for my wife and children, writing, practicing my inner work, and so forth."
**********************************************************************************
"Many of us don't listen to our intuitive heart for fear that we couldn't possibly know something WITHOUT THINKING IT THROUGH, or for fear that legitimate answers could possibly be so OBVIOUS."
*********************************************************************************
"If you can overcome your fear that your intuitive heart will give you incorrect answers, if you can learn to trust it, your life will become the magical adventure it was meant to be."
**********************************************************************************
"The greater our surrender to the truth of the moment, the greater will be our peace of mind."
**********************************************************************************
"If you look for the extraordinary in the ordinary, you can train yourself to see it."
**********************************************************************************
"If you wait until all your chores, responsibilities, and everything else is done before you get started, it will never happen. Guaranteed."
**********************************************************************************
We come up with elaborate and sophisticated rationales to justify our actions, and end up spending most of our time and energy doing things that aren't all that important. We argue for our limitations, and they BECOME our limitations."
**********************************************************************************
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