Yes, I realize this is not a "classic". I am in the habit, currently, of reading borrowed books. It makes them a little more sweet. Anyway I don't regret reading it- it was pretty fascinating. I won't dwelve into the summary because I'm sure tons of people have already done this. Since it's contemporary and all.
"It seems possible (it does not seem impossible) that she's slipped accross an invisible line, the line that has always seperated her from what she preferred to feel, who she would prefer to be."
"You try to hold the moment, justs here, in the kitchen with the flowers. You try to inhabit it, to love it because it's yours and because what waits immediately outside these rooms is the hallway, with its brown tiles and its dim brown lamps that are always lit."
What awaits you is TIME. I feel like this as well. It seems like all these women want to be safe behind the doors. They are scared of what awaits them outside (and of time itself). Mrs. Brown wants to read all day and doesn't want to face her life- family. Virginia as well- as soon as she locks the door she feels free. "She feels briefly, wonderfully alone, with everything ahead of her." (Clarissa). There are endless possibilities behind the closed door of reality.
“She thinks of how much more space a being occupies in life
than it does in death; how much illusion of size is contained in gestures Dead,
we are revealed in our true dimensions, and they are surprisingly modest."
“I wanted to create something alive and shocking enough that
it could stand beside a morning in somebody’s life. The most ordinary morning. Imagine,
trying to do that. What foolishness.”
“When she looks in the medicine- cabinet mirror, she briefly
imagines that someone is standing behind her. There is on one, of course; it’s
just a trick of the light. For an instant, no more than that, she has imagined
some sort of ghost self, a second version of her, standing immediately behind,
watching. It’s nothing.”
“She might, at this moment, be nothing but a floating
intelligence; not even a brain inside a skull, just a presence that perceives,
as a ghost might. Yes, she thinks, this is probably how it must feel to be a
ghost. It’s a little like reading, isn’t it- that same sensation of knowing
people, settings, situations, without playing any particular part beyond that
of the willing observer”
“We live our lives, do whatever we do, and then we sleep- it’s
as simple and ordinary as that. A few jump out of windows or drown themselves
or take pills; more die by accident; and most of us, the vast majority, are
slowly devoured by some disease or, if we’re very fortunate, by time itself. There’s
just this for consolation: an hour here or there when our lives seem, against
all odds and expectations, to burst open and give us everything we’ve ever
imagined, though everyone but children (and perhaps even they) knows these
hours will inevitable be followed by others, far darker and more difficult. Still,
we cherish the city, the morning; we hope, more than anything, for more.”
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The hours- basically it refers to time. Richard killed
himself because he dreaded all this TIME and he was tired of passing through
it. Same as his mother- which is why she walked away from the family, it was
unendurable. And yet- I like this- I like that yes we go on living through what
is the majority of our life- through dark hours. Ordinary life- where nothing
happens. We have parties, we have anxieties, we have sorrows, trifles trifles. They
are insignificant. But we get caught up in it all. And we don’t really know
ourselves sometimes. But the beauty of life- is that it reminds us WHY we are alive.
In just a moment. Because this book focuses on being IN the moment, and being
OUT of it. Most of the time we are OUT of the moment, we don’t really know how
to cherish it. But when we are in the moment, these hours before us seem to be
suspended. And we feel immortal. That is what our life is- a constant strive to
feel immortal. To feel as if time itself has stopped.
Another aspect is that all of these women do not feel themselves. "UNBEING". Which by the way KUNDERA has also used. They seem to be living someone else's life and don't know what to do about it. They feel trapped in their "role". Virginia as well- pretending to be "healthy" and "socially normal". I think Clarissa is the worst one- because she doesn't realize that she's trapped- even though she mentions the apartment and how she doesn't feel at "home" there. And even Sally said that they'll watch each other "fade away", which is super sad. So I tihnk Laura Brown was the smartest one- she just walked away from UNBEING. She didn't want to deal with it and live a lie. While Virginia killed herself. Alternatives.
One can't RATIONALIZE one's happiness- as much as one tries. It ends up catching up with you in the end.
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